


Till Death

by Ihopeitsbenign



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Angst, Complete, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-24
Updated: 2014-01-24
Packaged: 2018-01-09 20:54:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1150695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ihopeitsbenign/pseuds/Ihopeitsbenign
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Morgan is about to get married and Reid stops the wedding. A secret is revealed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I have no affiliation to Criminal Minds or its characters. This is fiction pure and simple.

Reid wretched into the bowl of the church bathroom trying so hard to muffle the gagging sounds tumbling out of his raw throat. A few dribbles of sour whiskey a reminder of the night he'd spent tossing back shot after shot with Garcia both of them trying to forget that Morgan was getting married the next day - let alone deal with it.

He should have turned Garcia down when she popped up at his apartment door already slightly tipsy armed with Johnnie Walker Black and regret. The drinking games that followed only made a bad situation worse and at one point he remembered literally crying into his Captain Kirk mug. I'm pathetic excuse of a man.

"Reid man, are you okay?" The banging at the bathroom door worsened his pounding headache. This is the mother of all hangovers; I'm supposed to be better than this wasteful burning of brain cells.

"I'm coming." He rinsed his mouth quickly adding a dab of toothpaste found in the tiny cabinet below the sink.

The dressing room was empty save for his best friend who looked absolutely devastating in a classic black tux. Irresistible even as he tried to suppress his laughter but snickering sounds leaked out exploding into a full-blown belly laugh.

"You would be the worst best man ever if this wasn't so damn funny."

"This isn't funny. Okay," he added, "it isn't that funny."

"You got drunk with my baby girl. It's hilarious. What got into you anyway? You wouldn't even drink at my bachelor party and I remember doing lot of begging."

Ah yes, the bachelor party! Topless stripper straddling Morgan's chest while he run his hands up the inside of her thighs, eyes locked with Reid the entire time. Luckily both Rossi and Hotch were too out of it to notice a thing, adding alcohol to that flame would have loosened his tongue and made him say what he really wanted.

"Lemme help you with that?" Morgan knocked his hands out of the way and began to straighten his tie. "Wow, I think I'm getting wasted just from the fumes coming off of you."

Their eyes met for a moment and dropped away uncomfortably both of them remembering the last time Reid had been that drunk.

xxXxx

Strobe lights flashing, hot tongues probing, the ripping of clothes in the club bathroom as Morgan sank to his knees before him tearing open Reid's pants and swallowing him down slowly. Finally the words that'd ruined everything. "I love you. I want to be with you." The argument that followed almost broke them.

"No. Its too risky the fraternization policies are clear we could both get fired."

" We don't have to tell the world. It'd be nobody's business but ours."

"Yeah," he scoffed "because that worked out so well for JJ."

"Is this really about work? Reid, look at me. I can read you like a damn book, which is how I know something else is bothering you. I'll stand here all night if I have to." He threatened.

"What happens when we break up?"

"When? What happens ifwe don't?"

" I'm not a child Morgan, believing in fairytales and happily ever after. Nothing lasts forever. So when we do break up I will have to leave the team. They are my family. You are my family."

"Okay. So what yo saying is you don't want to be with me on the assumption that we will break up as a couple but not if we remain friends. You know that's completely irrational right?"

Reid stared back at him stubbornly bony hands clenching and unclenching.

"I love you. How can you just throw that away?"

Still silent.

"Damn you Spence"

"Morgan please…"

"Don't worry about it." Morgan bit out, "Tomorrow I will be fine and we can talk and be – whatever you want. But tonight I get to mourn a life that I'd been dreaming about, planning for. I even prayed about this, Jesus I…"

"Morgan!"

"Just go Reid. Go home."

Reid paid the cab driver and headed up to his apartment knees threatening to give out with every step he took. Bile rose up in his throat as he yanked open his front door getting to the bathroom just in time to spew into the tub. He sank down to the cold tile and let the tears fall, sobbing long and deep into the night but still his conviction held. It was better to have half of him than lose him entirely. He was a betting man, Vegas born and bred but you don't bet on something this important. The loss would be too great.

He nervously approached the bullpen the next day, last night's indulgences still clinging to him like an old tired actress to the last vestiges of youth. The sight of Morgan his back to him as he chatted with Emily sent his heart pounding beneath his argyle sweater vest."

"G'morning" he stammered.

"Hey pretty boy, long night?"

xxXxx

Two years down the road he stood besides his friend before an elaborately dressed priest, wedding rings tucked away safely in his breast pocket. Next to him stood Hotch and Rossi listening intently, a little ways back JJ, Will, Prentiss and Garcia waved gaily at him, the latter looking a little worse for wear. He'd done it. He'd kept his family together.

"Speak now or forever hold your peace."

He was stunned when his voice rang out loud and strong considering how badly he was quaking on the inside. Time slowed as his objection started a murmuring deep within the bowels of the church, the bride turning to look at him in horror and disbelief. Everybody's eyes bored into the back of neck but he stared at the only person he cared about, face pleading for understanding.

"NOW. You are doing this now?" Morgan hissed at him.

Big brown eyes blurred with impending tears. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'll just go." Suddenly a warm hand laced with his and squeezed, it stopped him in his tracks stilling the desperate urge to get away and drowning out the bride's shrieking.

"Stay."


	2. Fallout

Morgan sat on the concrete bench, picking blood red rose petals out of Reid's hair from where the bridal bouquet had connected with the side of his head. "That was really something; remember when you didn't want us to lose our jobs?"

"Oh God." Reid muttered getting up and pacing, hopping over the occasional gravestone. "How are you not freaking out right now? I just ruined your life. I outed you in front of the entire bureau. That viper disguised as a priest kicked us out of the "House of God" he gestured with his long slim fingers. "You are going to lose your job. You love being a profiler."

"Not as much as I love you. Don't get me wrong it will suck if we get fired but I can learn to love something else. And if there's one thing I've learned it's that I can't learn to love someone else. There is only one you."

"I think you're in shock. Rachel hit you harder than Foyet did. You may have intracranial bleeding or a subdural hematoma. Do you feel lightheaded?"

Morgan cracked up clutching his ribs and fake gasping for air.

Why do you always do that? I know what I'm talking about; I'm kind of a doctor! Oh, God" He stopped in his tracks, "Oh God, your mother."

"Reid, Spencer SIT. "

"You don't get to be autocratic when I've just ruined your life."

"My mum already knows about us! I told her after the Carl Buford thing that I was scared of being gay and that I may be in love with you."

Reid stared back at him, plush lips pursed nervously. "What did she say?"

"When she met my dad the whole country was in uproar they couldn't walk down the street without someone saying something. But they held on to each other. They taught me that love was important – no matter what. I guess that was my destiny, you were my destiny."

Spencer turned away wiping a tear from his eyes. "So what happens now?"

"Hey, none of that." Derek got up and brushed his lips against his cheek, "I'm gonna go inside and check on my Momma make sure she gets to the hotel okay. Wait for me."

Reid stared off into the distance at a bright pink figure that was heading to the parking lot.

"Oh, going to catch up with your drinking buddy? Plan a game of Beer pong?"

"You are not a funny man." Morgan grinned brightly at him and went round the church to find his family.

"Garcia." Reid called out chasing after her when she sped up. "Will you stop for a second?"

"I don't feel like talking Reid, especially not to you." Her face was bright with fury as she stormed off.

Reid stared for a bit then followed after her, grabbing her wrist before she got into her car. She whirled around, the mint green hat atop her bright red hair danced precariously threatening to dislodge its lone peacock feather.

"I cried for hours last night poured my heart out and you said nothing. It took literally a bottle of Visine and pounds of concealer to even get my eyes looking halfway normal this morning and you are just fine. Were you laughing at me that whole time? The chubby computer nerd in love with the star quarterback? That must have been so funny to you? "

"Garcia you know me, I'm your friend. I would never laugh at you."

"You didn't act like a friend last night."

"I was really drunk. Please don't tell him. I can't lose him again."

"Everything's not about you When did you get this cruel?" She shook her head in disbelief, "Do you even realize what you've done? He dropped everything, in front of everyone - for you."

"I didn't plan on it coming out the way it did. It just happened." He pleaded with her to understand.

"You calculate everything to the nth degree or whatever and this – this just happened? You may not have done it on purpose but it was the ultimate test wasn't it? You will always be sure of how much he loves you." She gestured at the parking lot still milling with shocked guests. "Look around at every bridge he's burned to get to you."

"Garcia just don't."

"Don't what? Don't tell him that you 'let your snake run amok in my lady garden'? He winced at her vulgar description, "Who would understand the drunken hookup better than Derek Morgan?"

"Don't act the martyr." He snapped back running his hands through his messy brown hair. "If you had a shot with him you'd do the very same thing."

"You don't get it do you. You made me party to something that could hurt him. That will hurt him when he finds out because nothing stays hidden forever." She shook her head at him sadly, "I promise not to say anything but you might want to think about whether you want to build your relationship on a lie."

"Hey, " Morgan called out startling them both. "Baby girl, you look stunning as always."

"Nothing compared to you, my chocolate prince. That was quite a show you put on?"

"It was worth it." he replied, his hand coming to rest on the small of Reid's back. We'll see you at the reception later, k?"

"That's a little farcical. Aren't you going to defy social convention by publicly celebrating the end of your engagement?"

"I'm not celebrating the end of my engagement. I'm celebrating a beginning of us and you'll get to meet my family."

"Officially." he added when Reid went to speak. "Hotch has offered to contain this mess. So you wanna go home and get me out of this monkey suit?" Eyebrows waggled suggestively.

"Okay. That's my cue to leave. I'll see you both later my lovelies."

They stood in the parking lot hand in hand watching Garcia drive away.

"Derek?" He swallowed nervously when their eyes met, "Do you think I'm a good person?

"You are the best guy I know. What's going on with you?"

"I did a terrible thing."

"Your timing could have been better but the way I see it, I get to be with you. If that hot mess was the price then I willingly pay it."

"I love you so much and I promise you wont regret this." Reid declared squeezing Morgan's hand tight.

"I know babe, I love you too. And don't worry we are going to be okay."


	3. Crime

They burst through the front door feasting on each other. Derek shoved a hand down the back of Reid's dress pants, a spit slick finger pressing slowly into the tight hole.

"Hmnnn" Reid grunted. "That feels so good."

"You could have gotten us arrested!" Morgan grumbled taking the slighter man in a hot wet kiss. "A few yards over and that cop could have seen you with your head in my lap."

Another finger thrust deep making Reid gasp and pant wantonly. He drove back down on the slick fingers pile driving in and out of his body. "Supervisory Special Agent, Derek Morgan can't get out of a simple ticket?" he mocked.

Morgan turned him round roughly tugging off his shirt and dragging down his boxers with his pants. Reid waited, forehead resting against the hard door high white ass cheeks presented enticingly for his lover.

"This might hurt." He unzipped his pants.

"Just do it."

Morgan hissed as he took his thick hard cock in hand and pushed at the tiny opening groaning when the big head breached the stubborn gate. "Hot, tight - so tight!"

He kissed the back of Reid's nape, watching his hard length push inside, the contrast between their skin tones turning him on unbearably. "Spencer, baby?"

Reid could only respond with grunts and groans "Uh uh uh!" Morgan raised his right hand over the white butt cheek and smacked him hard.

"Uh!" Reid wailed out, "Move please Derek."

With consent given he thrust hard hands digging brutally into the slim hips. Morgan pulled out then rammed back in. Uninhibited cries poured out of Reid as short hard strokes rapidly pegged his prostate.

Morgan completely pulled out his massive log leaving him gaping open before plunging back in, "Oh god baby boy, you are so fucking hot for me." Hips smacked so hard against pale butt cheeks sure to leave bruises come daylight Reid screamed wildly and began to shoot thick white sperm painting the door. His legs wobbled and he fell to his knees.

Morgan followed still hammering into him, deeper harder. "Mine.. You're mine!" The fluttering of Reid's insides sent him over the edge and with a mighty roar he exploded injecting buckets of come deep into his boy, breeding him, marking him. The earthshattering orgasm left him shaking and he collapsed to the carpet pulling Reid with him unwilling to be separated from him yet.

"Derek?" A loud thumping at the door drowned out their harsh and loud panting, "Derek dear, are you okay? I heard screaming."

"Shit!" He swore. "Its Mrs. Khan."

"Derek, I'm going to call the cops."

"No." he yelled out "I'm okay."

"Is that code?" she whispered through the peephole. Reid snickered Morgan's hand over his mouth muffling the sounds of laughter.

"Do not call anyone."

"Okay, it's your funeral." They heard the sound of her shuffling off, the distinct squeak of her walker fading down the hall. Morgan pulled slowly out of Reid and rolled over on top of his lover. Messy hair and brown eyes sparkled with amusement lips stretched into a wide grin. "Code?"

"She's obsessed with the Crime and Investigation network. She's currently in a neighborhood watch all by herself."

"By herself?"

"Okay sometimes I tug along, just to keep an eye on her"

Reid's chest heaved with uncontrolled mirth.

"You're so beautiful." Morgan stared deep into his eyes. "I could stay here all day but we need to get off the floor and clean up or we'll be late." he got off Reid pulling him to his feet.

"Do we have to? We could stay here and do more of that – " Reid pouted cutely twining his arms long arms around his lover's neck kissing him deeply.

"'K, you convinced me." Morgan chased his mouth. "Lemme call Garcia she can make our excuses."

"No!" Morgan looked up in surprise at the vehemence in his voice, "I mean I forgot," he backpedaled "your mom's here I should probably start to redeem myself in her eyes. Keeping you away from her will not help with that. We've got an hour before we have to leave think I can make you happy again – twice!" He joked dragging him towards the shower.

xxxxx

As the black SUV pulled up in front of the swanky hotel Reid glanced apprehensively at the brightly lit entrance.

"You look like you're going to your execution."

"What if they hate me?"

"They wont."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Baby, I know you're scared but we have to go through it to get through it. I talked to Desiree only about 20 people including the team showed. You've faced down unsubs bent on murder, this will be a walk in the park compared to that."

Reid opened the car door as the valet came up for the keys. "Uh Spence wait up. I didn't use a condom the first time. It was wrong and I should have asked you first. I had my physical two weeks ago and I want you to know that I'm good. I know I have nothing to worry about with you, I just didn't – don't want to have anything between us when we make love."

"No, I feel the same way, it's ok - I'm good too."

It was a night punctuated by desperate, drunken raucous laughter with family and true friends. Reid finally gave a sigh of relief when momma Morgan pinched his cheeks and gave him a fierce hug. Des and Sarah also expressed their happiness to meet him again, which he knew eased Derek's mind. They tumbled into bed at 4am reaching for each other blindly, 'It will be ok' Reid reassured himself as he snuggled into Morgan's body and passed out.

3 weeks later

Morgan leaned insistently on Garcia's doorbell "Baby girl, I know you're in there. Let me in." He'd had a terrible day. Since the 'wedding that wasn't' he'd been getting hassled at work. It was subtle and persistent but luckily those assholes weren't very creative. The dildos that had tumbled out of his locker at the training center was just one more dumb prank from those homophobic jerks. As long as none of it affected Spencer he could live with it but it'd put him in a fighting mood. Unable to trace those fucking cowards he'd decided to deal with yet another looming problem.

He needed to talk to his friend, "Garcia." he yelled above the pounding on the door.

"Hey Sweetness," she said brightly opening the door, "Come in, my boudoir awaits. What can I do you for?"

He turned to face her momentarily distracted by the giant bunny ears on her slippers. "You can tell me why you've been avoiding me."

"What?" she huffed in disbelief "Honey, we talk everyday."

"Yeah we talk but not the way we used to. If you have a problem with me being gay we should talk about it."

"That's not it at all. You know I'm down with the hot man on man action."

"But there is a problem? Is it Reid?" Her face went blank she was obviously trying so hard to shield. "Okay it is Reid!"

"I didn't say that."

"You know you can't lie worth a damn. So just out with it - Is it cos I didn't tell you about us? I know how you love being the fountain of knowledge from whom us mere mortals only get to drink. Believe me I wanted to tell you after the first time we got together but he shut me down cold and I just wanted to lick my wounds in private."

Garcia fiddled with the straps of her robe. "Speaking of boy genius, where's he at?"

"On a consult with Prentiss in Maryland. He should be home soon. I texted to let him know I'd be here so he wouldn't worry incase I got home late."

"That's nice"

"That's nice? Who are you? No jokes about how I'm pussy whipped?" he stood there incredibly frustrated, getting pissed off when her home phone began to ring off the hook.

"Leave it," he ordered when the answering machine clicked on and a familiar voice rang out.

"Garcia, great you're not home and your cell's off. Derek's coming to see you." Morgan blocked her from reaching the phone, the stricken look on her face giving her away. "I know this is hard on you and it's a lot to ask. I know that but you promised not to – not to tell him about what happened with us. Please, I - uh I'm begging you don't tell him. I'll do anything please just - don't tell him."

Morgan hit the speaker button, "Don't tell me what, Spencer?" Garcia was weeping openly by this point. "One of you needs to tell me what the hell is going on? Penelope?" she shook her head helplessly. "Reid I'm coming over. You better be there when I get there."


	4. Punishment

Reid sat on the settee staring unseeing into the dimly lit room. Even after turning the heat up he couldn't seem to get warm, the cold seeped out of the floorboards through his bare feet and straight to his bones starting a soul deep rattle. He struggled to focus. Nothing lasted forever but he'd only had 21 days and 11 hours, it wasn't nearly enough. The key turning in the lock was a death knell signaling that the end was near. His vision blurred as he tried to hold back tears. I can't let him go. I won't

Morgan stood before him fists clenched, feet planted firmly on the ground. "What did you do?" He looked magnificent, determined, and ready to go to war. "Reid don't make me ask you again. WHAT DID YOU DO?"

"I had sex with Garcia."

Morgan began to pace. He strode to the open window; hands on the back of his shaven head and gazed out into the night. "When?"

"It doesn't matter when. It was before we got together." Reid cleared his throat nervously.

"I will decide what matters. Tell me when and where?"

"The night before your wedding. She came here."

"I bet she did." Morgan turned on his heel and headed back for the door. Reid rushed after him locking the door before him and leaning back against it. "Don't leave. Say something." the wobbling of his voice startled even him. "You can't just leave."

"Don't you dare cry right now." Derek snarled at him. "You lied to me. You've been lying to me for weeks."

"I know I should have told you but I panicked. I wanted you for so long and then I had you. I couldn't tell you what I'd done and risk losing you. What we have means everything to me I couldn't think beyond trying to protect it."

"You mean had!" Morgan barked at him before heading back to the living room.

Reid followed after him; still guarding the door anything to keep him here. "No I will not accept that. I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. You love me I know you do. This isn't unfixable."

"Yeah I love you. I - LOVE - YOU." Morgan dragged out. "Who knows how you feel about anything?"

Reid stopped in front of his love, hands rapidly flashing, fighting as it were for his very life. "I was depressed and drunk. All I could think about is how we'd be together if I was brave enough, strong enough. But it was too late, I was struggling to cope and Garcia was there."

"So did it help?" Morgan snapped at him, the scowl on his face terrifying. "Tell me Reid, did fucking my best friend help you 'cope'? I hope to hell you slept like a fucking baby afterwards cos I will never forgive you for this."

"We – we weren't together then."

"Is that why you hid it from me?"

"It was before us. It shouldn't matter." He stammered out, sticking to his guns.

The laugh Morgan let out was scary, "Before us? Right! I knew there were lovers before me. You were no virgin. God the things you can do with that tight little body…" He backed away. "Before us there were tens, probably hundreds of nameless faceless people. They nobodies, they didn't count but Garcia is my friend. I work with her. I hang with her. Now every time I look at her all I'll see are her hands touching you the way I touch you. Her lips kissing you the way I kiss you. I have been killing myself trying to be perfect, so you'd have no reason to regret the choice you made to be with me in front of our family, friends, pretty much the entire FBI; I guess on some level I was convinced that I am not good enough for you."

It seemed like he couldn't think or talk fast enough to keep their relationship from sinking. It was like trying to plug a leaky boat with a sponge. "You are good enough, of course you are."

"Well, it turns out you're not. I feel like such a fool. You've been avoiding each other. She can't look me in the eye. Guess I was too blinded by you to put two and two together. Some profiler huh?"

"Derek, please. Just talk to me I'm sure we can get past this."

"You want to talk. Ok let's talk! Is this a thing that you do? Get drunk and sleep around? Seeing as that's how we got together you can understand why I'd be worried. So Doctor Reid, riddle me this; am I going to have to worry every time we fight? What if we end up on different assignments? Our lives aren't always going to be perfect so I wanna know if every time you drink you are going to fuck someone else?"

"I can't. I won't."

"How do I know that? Oh lemme guess I should just trust you, right?"

"I can fix this, just tell me what to do. I don't know what to do." He blocked Morgan's attempt to get past him, for every step taken forward he took one back until he was once again pressed against the door.

"We are done Reid, even with your considerable genius you can't turn back time. Now get away from the door."

"No!" He launched himself at Morgan pressing kisses all over his face. A slim white hand snaked into cargo pants, fondling the thick length desperately.

"Get off me, Reid. You don't want me to touch you right now, believe me!"

"I don't care. I will do whatever you want." He trailed hard sucking kisses down the muscular neck. " Don't hold back, I can take it."

"Damn it Reid!" Morgan shoved him off. "That you think for even two seconds that I would ever touch you in anger shows that you don't know me at all."

Reid crumpled, sliding down to the chilly floor. The battle to hold back tears lost as he sobbed with abandon. "I – I can't be without you. You have to forgive me. You have to."

Morgan sank to the floor next to him and drew him into his lap, "Reid baby, you need to calm down."

"Stay with me. Please just stay with me. Promise me you'll stay."

The simply put "I can't." started a fresh stream of hot tears. The burning heat of Derek's body only made him more aware of how cold he was. He burrowed in close and curled up tight, clinging with every bit of him but it wasn't close enough and never would be again.

xxXxx

He didn't need to open his eyes to know that Derek was gone. The other side of the bed lay unruffled, untouched while outside the day dawned bright and beautiful as if in defiance of his pain. Reid pulled a pillow over his head pressing the downy softness against the sides of his aching head. He was alone in the world – again!

xxXxx

Morgan stopped in his tracks when he came face to face with Garcia who was just exiting his building. She looked the way that he felt. Pleading raccoon eyes and all.

"Derek…"

"Penelope, I want you to know that I don't blame you for this. I know it wasn't your fault but you need to go cos I can't bear to look at you right now." He brushed past her quickly, already dialing on his cell.

"Hotch, I need a favor…"


	5. The Long Road Home

Reid exited the old church, the taste of stale cookies and flat lemonade resting heavy in his mouth. "You didn't have to come with me."

"I wanted to."

"You wanted to spend a Saturday night in a church basement at a Narcotics Anonymous meeting when you could be with your son?" He glanced sideways at their fearless leader. Hotch was the last person he'd expected to find on his doorstep when he'd heard the steady knocking earlier that evening.

"Jack's six. It's way past his bedtime."

Reid stopped abruptly in the middle of the sidewalk causing a ripple in the foot traffic around them. "You know what I mean."

"He's worried about you."

One of the worst things about his breakup with Morgan was the pity. Everybody looked at him with big sad eyes just like Hotch was looking at him now. It would have mattered but he was too far from dignity at this point to care. "He's so worried that he can't be here himself?"

"I don't know what happened between the two of you and I don't need to know." Hotch began to lead him down the street again. "But you look like you've been through hell. It physically hurts to look at you so I'm going to do anything I can to make this even a little bit better. Even give up a Saturday night."

Reid pulled him to a stop again. "I screwed up."

'Then you fix it."

"I already tried." A grizzled old woman threw him a venomous look as she struggled past them dragging a heavy cart.

"Okay. Listen to me." He followed Hotch to the relative privacy of an empty stoop. "When you end up alone late at night dwelling on this turning the end over and over in your mind like you surely will, wondering what you could have done different, better. The only thing that will bring you even a shred of comfort is knowing that you did everything you could to hold on to him. So try again. And if that doesn't work you try again!"

Reid nodded in silent contemplation. "But what if…"

"But nothing." Hotch interrupted. "He still loves you he wouldn't have asked me to look out for you if he no longer cared."

xxXxx

Dark and smoky, the inside of the Blue Room hid a dozen lonely souls each one hugged their table lost in thought, grief etched on every brow. Morgan held the chill tumbler up to his head sloshing the amber liquid, he straddled the bar stool looking just as desperately lost as every man in there.

"This place was aptly named. I think any desire I ever had to off myself just went up like a thousand degrees."

Morgan turned and squinted at Rossi. This is the last thing he needed. "You can leave cos I think my desire to kill you also went up about a thousand."

Instead the Italian settled on the stool next to him and signaled the bartender. "Double Scotch." Grabbing Morgan's arm when he tried to leave. "Drinking's a lot more fun when you've got company."

"Only if it's the right company."

"Ouch. Since I can't grow a pair of cans or turn into Reid maybe you can find it in your heart to indulge a tired old man."

"Tired? Old" Morgan scoffed at him. "Is that how you got all those women to marry you?"

"You are breaking my heart."

Unable to resist Morgan grinned at him. "Fine. Say what you need to say."

Rossi took his time reaching for his wallet pulling out a twenty and sliding it across the bar. "Go home."

"Go home? That's it! You know I don't live here right?"

"You know what I mean. Whatever happened or didn't happen, whoever's fault it was you aren't making it better by sitting here in this sad den of iniquity. So unless you want to spend the rest of your life in a dozen places like this sobbing in your beer like that poor bastard in the corner, I suggest you go home."

" I did nothing wrong. Why should I just give in?"

"Take it from me when it comes to relationships sometimes you can be happy or you can be right, you can't be both." Rossi raised his glass to him before tossing down the contents. "Don't be an idiot. Go home to Reid."

Like a crotchety Yoda he shuffled off leaving Morgan to his thoughts. Crotchety Yoda! Reid would have liked that reference. He missed his laugh the way it exploded out of him at the oddest of times, setting his eyes afire. Afire! Great now I'm spouting bad poetry. He mulled over the older man's words but still he remained glued to his seat nursing his drink deep into the night.

xxXxx

Reid leaned his forehead on the cabinet. The tan wood and tiled floors of the BAU break room provided an odd sanctuary for his weary heart; the slow drip of the coffee maker vaguely hypnotic soothing the pounding headache he couldn't seem to get rid of. He was exhausted from trying to act normal. Garcia's wounded eyes haunted him; he wanted to apologize but had no idea what to say. 'Sorry I had sex with you while I was in love with your best friend who you also have feelings for then tried to force you to hide it from him' wasn't the kind of thing Hallmark covered.

Leaning over he reached for the sugar elbow slamming into a warm body. He whirled around words falling from his lips unspoken when he saw Morgan. He gaped at him for a while. "Sorry..um no..I'll move." If it was possible to slide through the floor like a warm knife through butter he'd be gone by now. As it was he was pressed so tight against the countertop it was sure to leave an impression on his unblemished skin.

Reid stared down unable to look Morgan in the eye so deep was his shame and regret. He focused so hard on the powerful thighs encased in deep blue denim he could count off each individual thread. Every breath he took flooded his senses with the familiar evocative aftershave and still they waited in a brutal standoff. Why isn't he saying anything?

Reid peeked up at him through thick brown lashes dreading the words that were sure to mirror that stormy expression.

"You never lie to me again."

"I – uh-yes!" Reid's head bobbed frantically, a familiar prickling starting in his eyes. The soft thud of the break room door was the only sign that Morgan had been and gone. He was in shock that meant what he thought it meant right? Maybe he just meant they could be friends again. It was far less than what he wanted but still better than nothing. He looked up when the door swished open once again.

Morgan's lips met his in a rush of heat. Reid whimpered in need wrapping his long arms tightly around Derek's neck. They invaded each other, warm and moist, sucking on tongues and biting on lips. Slowly savoring and relearning as they went, hands found familiar nooks and crannies stroking, calming. They burned down the past; building up again till they fused stronger, better than they'd been before. It felt familiar and brand new. It felt like coming home.


	6. Flash and Substance

"You still love me, right?" Reid traced the dots of perspiration on his lover's dark skin. He hated the quiver in his voice it made him feel needy and young and so desperate. It had been three days since they got back together and all they'd done was have sex. Every free second on every free surface but they hadn't talked. The three words he needed to hear the most hadn't been spoken.

"Baby, I wouldn't be here if I didn't." It was a nice side step leaving him stuck with the implication instead of confirmation.

"You know I'm sorry.." Morgan's lips cut him off.

"Stop saying it. I forgave you so we don't need to talk about it anymore." He rolled off the bed tying the condom off with an audible snap. "You might try focusing all that remorse in a different direction."

Reid tugged and pulled at the white bed sheets covering his nakedness. "What do you mean?"

"Have you talked to Garcia?"

The genius flinched at the mention of her name, getting impossibly paler. The last time she came up everything had fallen apart. "I don't know what to say."

"Just stand there and let her yell at you." Morgan's body made a dip in the bed when he sat down again. "Everything she owns has feathers or sparkles nothing she throws will actually hurt you."

Reid smiled gently meeting Morgan's warm brown eyes. "That's not helpful."

"I can't help you with this." Morgan kissed him hard and headed for the bathroom. "You have to fix what you broke." Reid followed those tight buns till a familiar Bluesy ringtone broke his trance. He hesitated 'What if its Garcia?' running through his head.

With trepidation he got the phone out of Morgan's pants rejecting the call when the screen flashed 'Rachel'. Why is she calling him? He took a quick look around to ensure that the bathroom door was still closed and the shower running before he scrolled through the call logs finding evidence of Rachel, Rachel and more Rachel! What is going on?

The offending machine was dropped at the yelled "Spencer get your cute butt in here we are gonna be late." Brow furrowed in confusion he returned the phone to its place and went to join his treacherous lover.

xxXxx

Morgan peeped through the open door of Garcia's inner sanctum finding her perched on the edge of the seat glaring at the enormous screen before her.

He knocked on the solid wood waving a white hankie when she looked up. "May I come in?"

Things had never been so awkward between them but he was determined to change that. The first words out of her blood red mouth almost ruined that. "You and Reid made up."

"How did you.. I forgot you see everything." His bright smile produced no reaction out of her. Okaaay! "Listen I'm sorry I have been …"

"Cold, dismissive, super pissed off at me?"

He wished there was a way to just sweep this under the rug and just move on but he obviously needed to grovel a little more before forgiveness would be granted. So he pulled up a chair and took her hands in his "I am sorry. I shouldn't have taken my rage and disappointment out on you. Baby girl, you know how much I love you I'm sorry I lost sight of that after everything that went down. But you gotta understand where I was coming from, you were the last person I expected to screw things up for me."

Her watery blue eyes were magnified by the thick lenses. "I had no idea you too were involved. I would never deliberately ruin that for you."

"I know that and I'm sorry that I thought otherwise even for a second. Please forgive me."

She snatched the white scrap off the table dabbing at her tears, blond head bobbing frantically. He kissed the back of her hand dodging a vicious looking ring. "Do me a favor?" he pleaded. She made a sound that he took for acceptance. "Talk to Reid. He wants to make up but he's scared you'll hurt him."

"Because I will." She garbled back at him.

"Hey, I just – I need him okay? I need him. Please lets try to move past this."

"Fine. I'll take the photos down."

"Photos? I don't need to know… I mean thank you princess." He'd gotten to the door before he remembered another thing he needed to know. Fuck! "Garcia?"

"I'm not pregnant!"

xxXxx

"Hey – Ah, JJ?" Reid hurried to catch up when she looked up from opening her car door.

"Spence? It's late what are you still doing here?"

"I had to wrap up some stuff. Can we talk?"

JJ glanced around the deserted parking lot. "Right now? Ok. Get in." She started up the Jetta opening the door to let the anxious genius in. "We could get dinner? She added when he sat there gazing off into the distance. "Reid?"

"I can't. Dere – Morgan is waiting for me at the Golden Dragon. I suspect he keeps picking Chinese restaurants cos he likes to 'help' me with the chopsticks." He smiled faintly.

"I'm glad you're back together." He barely acknowledged her comment so lost was he in his own thoughts. "Reid? What's going on?"

"He's talking to Rachel, should I be worried?"

JJ's eyes widened dramatically. "The crazy bride? Yeah she was a bunny boiler if I ever saw one." She elaborated at Reid's confusion "Fatal Attraction? Glenn Close has an affair with Michael Douglas' character and when he rejects her she leaves his daughter's bunny boiling in a pot in their kitchen? Still nothing, you should wander out of the Science Fiction section of the video store every once in awhile there's a whole world out there to explore!"

"I see enough psychopaths at work. Why would I want to watch a movie about them?"

She made a silly face at him. "What did Morgan say when you asked about her?"

"I – uh – didn't - ask him"

"How did you…Reid? Please don't tell me you went through his phone?"

"I didn't mean to."

JJ rested her head on the cool steering wheel. Long blonde hair hid her face from him when she replied quietly. "You are doing a lot of things these days that you don't mean."

The judgment cut through him "I can't explain it. I've never been like this before. All I feel is hormones and madness. I just want him but the more I try to hold on to him the further he slips away."

A small hand stroked his arm. "You went through a massive breakup. You both need to heal and learn to trust each other again."

"He said he forgave me for that?"

"Part of him probably believes it but he's going to test you repeatedly. It's a natural response when trust has been broken. And Sweetie, you are not helping by snooping through his stuff."

"So you're saying I should ignore it?"

"It's too late for that, come clean and deal with it. Lies fester; they will ruin you if you let them." Blue eyes met brown. "I lied to you about Emily's 'death' and our relationship suffered as a result. I'm not trying to make you feel bad I'm just saying I broke your trust and it took awhile for us to get back to where we used to be."

"I do trust you."

"Then how come I had to hear about all this from Garcia?"

"I wanted to tell you I did." Reid shook his head in deep sorrow. "God, I never thought I'd miss being called 'Baby Genius'. It was one mistake. How am I still reeling under the effect?"

"Well honey, If you want him you gotta fight for him cos it's gonna come down to this, how much do you love him?"


	7. Closure

The clinking of glassware and ethnic chatter permeated the Chinese restaurant. Reid pushed the Peking duck around. He'd wanted to try something new in an effort to tempt his palate but it wasn't working. Morgan sat across from him. They'd agreed not to let their professional life leak over into their personal one and vice versa so their limited small talk had tapered off into an awkward silence.

Occasionally Morgan's phone lit up buzzing next to his plate and Reid glared at it wondering if that was her; the 'Bunny boiler'. Resentment built up pushing hard at his resolve to avoid confrontation by burying his head in the sand about the whole Rachel thing.

When the phone lit up one more time, the levees broke. "You don't look at me."

"What?" Morgan's eyes met his and skittered away.

"We have sex all the time but you wont look at me. I'm spending so much time on my knees I need protective gear."

"We are in a restaurant having a meal like a regular couple. What more do you want from me?" Morgan hissed at him.

"I want…" the life we had. The one I'll never get back because I lied to you. He couldn't say that.

"Stop picking at this, we are fine."

"We are not fine." Reid's fork cracked the wine glass. He strained with the effort not the yell. "You couldn't stop looking at me when we were fine. You never needed condoms when we were fine and you certainly weren't talking to your ex-fiancée – when we were fine!"

Rage gathered on Morgan's face. "Did you go through my phone?" He ground out.

Greater men than Reid had crumbled under that hard stare. He can't possibly hurt me more than he already is. "Why are you talking to Rachel?" He countered.

"You know what Reid?" A sheaf of dollar bills hit the table. "You're the liar not me."

It wasn't till after Morgan stormed out leaving a deathly quiet that he realized how much noise they'd been making. Customers began to clear their throats uncomfortably. Some still stared out of the corners of their eyes. When a homophobic slur was uttered it seemed like a good time to leave.

He didn't believe Derek had actually left him till he walked outside and the older agent was nowhere to be found.

An abandoned bench perched at the corner looked as desolate as he felt. He squeezed into a corner splinters digging into his back and drew his legs up to his chest. Counting every breath he took calmed him and kept panic at bay. Hot tears gathered but weren't allowed to fall.

He was focusing so hard on not falling apart he didn't hear Morgan call his name. Was so completely oblivious to the outside world until warm hands took his cold one and a kiss was brushed on the clammy skin.

"Derek." He whispered.

The sorrow in Morgan's dark eyes was hard to ignore. "I'm too attached to you."

The shocking statement sent him scrambling upright. He faced Morgan urgently holding tight to the warm palm. Ready to fight for them again. "That doesn't make any sense. If you are too attached then you wouldn't keep leaving me."

"Baby, you're younger than me, smarter…I'm just one in a long list of things that you'll want to do over the next decade. I want you but I also want to get married and settle down. "Morgan's dark hands cupped his cheeks. "I figured if I didn't care so much about you…invest too much… it will hurt a lot less when you leave. You said it yourself it's a matter of when not if."

Reid's mind sped in a million directions but while he figured out the right thing to say; he single-mindedly pursued the immediate problem. "What about Rachel?"

"She called me, upset and weeping like somebody died said she wanted to talk. I never gave her a second thought after I left her at the altar. When you picked me it's like I had everything I ever wanted and she ceased to exist. It was cruel and when we broke up I figured 'Karma is a bitch'. So now I'm atoning; she calls me yelling or crying and I listen. It's the least I can do."

"So the two of you aren't…"

What? No! You know much I love you."

"Yeah?"

"Of course I do."

"You haven't said it since the morning I left for Maryland. I was in a hurry and only caught the last part." Reid's voice wobbled. "I thought that was the last time I…I've been messed up over it."

"Come here." Morgan took his hand and dragged him into the dark alley behind the restaurant.

"This is not very sanitary…Oh!" He tilted his neck back when Morgan's tongue traced down his long neck.

"I love you." Rumbled in his ear. "I'm always going to love you."

Reid blinked rapidly to clear his wet eyes. He melted when Morgan's lips chased the tears kissing them from his face. "I love you too." He managed to choke out. His long arms held on tight to his lover's broad back. "I want what you want."

"What are you saying?"

"I want to marry you too. That was a proposal right?" His neck couldn't hold his head up any more. Pleasure rippled up and down his spine pooling in his belly when Morgan shoved a hand down his pants. Think. "You can't take it back."

xxXxx

The scratches on Reid's back stung as he stretched dragging him from slumber. When he rolled over a silly smile hugged his face, all was right with his world. Finally. His hand sought Derek's perfect body; he could definitely use a repeat of last night.

He sprung upright when he discovered cool sheets. "NoNoNo!" This isn't happening again. He just knew they should have gone back to Morgan's last night then he'd have nowhere to run. He tugged on the nearest pair of pants barely feeling it when a sharp hipbone collided with the side of the dresser as he raced out.

"Reid?" At breakneck speed he turned to see Morgan poke his head out of the kitchen and promptly slammed into the front door. "Where are you going?"

He's still here. Reid walked back sheepishly, rubbing his aching head. "I needed…coffee."

"Uh huh!"

He threw his arms around his Derek's neck kissing the disbelief from his mouth. "I thought you'd left."

"I'm never leaving you again."

xxXxx

Reid stood rigidly in the corner of the elevator. He kept a careful distance from Garcia who occupied the other corner twirling a fluffy red pen and trying for nonchalance. He suppressed a nervous giggle at the thought that they seemed like combatants in boxing ring. What were the odds they'd both end up stuck in the same elevator. He just knew Morgan had engineered it somehow. The way he'd jumped out at the last second to retrieve a forgotten file stank of dubious intent. A look at the numbers on the panel revealed they'd only descended five floors. This has been the longest minute of my life.

Garcia spoke up first. "He set us up, didn't he?"

"Yeah he did." Reid grinned at her when she echoed his very thought.

"I'm sorry." They both said in unison. Apologies tumbled out of both of them. "No. I'm sorry. This is so stupid. You did nothing wrong."

They paused smiling at each other in relief. "It's crazy how jealous I am – Was. I mean was. You are cute together." Garcia stammered.

"Thank you." Reid chose to ignore her Freudian slip. They had made up. That was enough.

The elevator opened on the underground garage. "Baby," They both turned when Morgan spoke. "Let's go home."

"Goodnight boys." Garcia waved brightly at them before heading off to find her car.

"You did that on purpose."

Morgan's hand crept up to his nape stroking gently, lips brushed Reid's forehead. "Don't you feel better?"

Reid leaned into the kiss. "I love you. About the wedding, I have some ideas…" Morgan's laughter cut him off as he dragged him off home. Into forever."

Fin


End file.
